November ♥

Perasaan macam ini cukup mengganggu hari mingguku. Tampaknya ucapan rindu yang memperparah semuanya. Seharusnya tak kukatakan rasa rindu yang membuncah itu. Nyatanya rindu bukan karena tak bertemu, namun karena tahu bahwa keadaan takkan sama dengan sebelumnya. Karena kamu akan sibuk dengan dirimu sendiri, dengan pekerjaanmu, dan mungkin dengan gadis-gadis baru yang akan kau kenal nanti. Baiklah, memang aku berlebihan. Aku tahu kamu bukan tipe pria yang suka tebar pesona pada para wanita, tapi aku tahu kamu takkan bisa punya perasaan yang sama dengan perasaan yang aku rasakan. Itu yang membuatku cukup khawatir. Kamu tak seharusnya menyebutkan kata kunci itu. Aku terlalu lemah dengan kata itu. Meski kamu ngga berbohong soal itu, tapi maksud dari kata itu aku paham, bukan seperti yang aku inginkan. Tapi tadi aku sebutkan, bahwa aku pun sama sepertimu, yang ingin juga memiliki seseorang yang bisa menjadi teman berbagi apapun. Berbagi cerita, berbagi mimpi-mimpi,berbagi bahagia, juga be...

lately  I've been thinking that maybe I feel lonely. I thought of everyone who filled my past. And everyone who had been hurt because of me. Based on their social media (which I stalked), some of them has good life, the other share their life less than I thought, and it's kinda make me have a deadlock to know them secretly. I just thought, am I that lonely? Or I just need some closure to stop my curiousity about their life. Some of my friend told me to find a man to keep me safe, I know they care of me, but you know it's not easy for me as a girl (if you know what I mean). Maybe some rejection in the past become one of the reason why I feel worry to start new conversation with someone new.  Then I heard my friend from collage, will be marry next week. This kind of news is kind of dilemma, between happy for her happiness and when-will-my-time feeling. Again, I always try to cheer myself in believing my Lord's word (what else can I do?). I often googling abo...

finally, after disappear for a month, now I'm back. It still related to my lastest postig before. after 2 weeks from the second interview, when I stareted to stop hoping from that place, my phone rang and someone on the phone offer me to take medical check up which means ones tep closer to the job! I have my hesitation at that time, worrying wether will I could do the job and is it the best way to take step to? in the end, I'm officially accepted to that place. and now I couldn's stop say thanks to God for this gift, and pray for the strength while this early three month. I'm not say it'll be easy, but this first month passed well. new friend, new environtment, and also new challenge which I have to face, make me realized God's strength surrounding me, I would never come to this step without His guidance. ah! I almost forget, my family and my closest friend also has veeerryyy huge contribution to  encourage me to through all the chaos that happen in my life....